Disclaimer: my first post will either make you cry or annoy the crap outa you.
Here's a quick story about me , my name is Lily I'm 29 years old and I have stage 4 cancer, and my fiancé just dumped me three days ago.
My whole world was turned upside down a year ago , thinking back now it was more like turned sideways, life now is definitely upside down. Me and my fiancé of 6.5 years at the time had just moved into his moms house temporarily due to some bed bug infestation we had just gone through . It was in the am and I had gone in for a shower, did the usual cleansing but once I ran the sponge over my left breast I felt it. It was hard and I didn't dare touch it or look at it. I felt completely flushed and sick to my stomach . Why me I though , why now, is it cancer? It can't be. I tried to ignore it being there, I was terrified of what it might be . I neglected my health thinking I was ok. For months now I tried hiding this from Jay until one day once we had our own place again he brought it up. And we both cried , terrified . Once again I let more time pass by without getting it checked out, until this thing consumed my life . My breast was noticeably big and I knew it was time.
Once I finally got myself checked out went through a biopsy and got back the results , it was what i had been dreading my whole life.
Rewind 22 years ago I remember playing with a friend during recess she accidentally poked my chest. That was the first time the thought of cancer was ever implanted in my head, from that moment on I feared the big C . I never thought of another illness but cancer. It's almost like I had been attracting it my whole life.
Fast forward to May of last year , once everything had settled in and everyone had digested it then it was time to fight . The support I received was amazing ,I couldn't ask for a better family , and a group of friends, and Jay was my anchor through it all.
Then we come down to the fiancé,I knew him in high school broke my heart then and broke my heart now (red light red light ) But he wasn't always like this he used to be caring , loving and so attentive . What went wrong I can't tell you, hopefully one day I'll find out.
With this blog I hope to find some inner healing, and to learn some self love that till this day I do not know. I hope to realize that I don't need a man complete me , and that most of all I can fight this battle with the rest of my army and win it.
